How to stay away from vіdkidannyam. Why do we so painfully accept vіdmova - and yak z cim buti. Why
Psychologist Guy Winch gave some practical joys to help alleviate negative thoughts.
Vіdmovi is the widest type of emotional shocks that we experience in everyday life. We recently call the risk of otrimati vіdmova more insignificant, the shards are surrounded by an uninterrupted stake of splintering people or її jokes of clubs of acquaintances. Today, the beginning of electronic communications, social networks and various supplements for getting to know skin with us, tying with thousands of people, moreover, some of them can ignore our posts, chats, notes or profiles in dating services, through which we vіdchuvaєmo unhappy with themselves. .
Crimea similar to other views are also shy to serious and more ruinous types. For a lost person - the one who, having left the person, was called by the robots, in whose presence friends returned, or who, through that other way of life, is not accepted by either relatives or suspіlstvo, perhaps truly paralyzed.
Psychology of thought
It doesn’t matter who got stuck in the middle of a different kind of emotional shocks, serious or insignificant, invariably left with one thing - start a painful verdict, moreover, as a rule, unacceptable, lower we ochіkuєmo.
І axis of food for what? Why are we so worried that a close friend didn’t “like” a photo from a family saint, like we posted on Facebook? Why through tse can zvsіm zіpsuvatsya nastrіy? Why, through it, it would have been possible, if we had no flooring, we could be irritated at a friend, be embarrassed? Navit our self-esteem decreases at such moments.
The main beats in the form of a voice should be played by yourself. If our self-esteem is strongly entangled, we move and break even more strongly.
It's simple - our programming brain reacts in a similar rank. Having followed the brain of people who were asked to guess, if they were inspired, for the help of the apparatus of functional magnetic resonance therapy, they used amazing visnovkiv. If we are experiencing grief, the brain cells themselves are activated, at the moment when we feel physical pain. To the very same, to navit drіbna vіdmova is taken more painfully, lower by me, splintering out in the literal sensi zavdaє bіl (way and on the emotional level).
But why is our brain so programmed?
Evolutionary psychologists are convinced that the foundation of this mechanism is succumbing to the roots to the era of the tribes of the wise-choosers. Shards of the same people could not live alone, appearing as an underprivileged suspense was actually a mortal virus. As a result, we have developed a mechanism for early warning about the need to "be driven out of the tribe" - and tse bula vіdmova. Fear of seeing out, having taken survival. Those who, having taken the mother’s breath more painfully, most often changed the line of conduct, were left with the tribe and could continue their kin.
Obviously, the emotional bill is just one of the last words for our self-esteem. Krіm tsgogo, vіdmovi so psuyut moods and lower self-esteem, call out attack anger and aggression and cheer our need “be part of what you want”.
It's a pity, the main Skoda in the air is sounded by yourself. And even though it’s true, as if your partner left you, they talked about it, otherwise, when choosing a team, they chose you to stay, the natural reaction would not accept the cross, we won’t be able to lick the wound, nor, we become overly self-critical. We love ourselves, mourn our shortfalls, and build a guardianship to ourselves. In other words, if our self-esteem is even more strongly affected, we will try to improve the situation even more. This model of behavior is bad for our emotional health, as well as psychologically self-destructive, but, regardless of the price, all of us, if anything, have done this.
But, fortunately, it’s better, more sensible ways to react to the emotions, algorithms, such varto dotrimuvatis, to avoid unhealthy reactions in similar situations, please, that allow you to ease the emotional bill new self-esteem. The axis of action is from them.
Looking for self-criticism
As if you didn’t want to redeem all your shortfalls after otrimannya vіdmovi, and it’s not logical to punish yourself for those that you made “wrong” - not varto! Having explored with the best possible ways, try to look over the bottom and choose the future, which could be done differently, but remember: there are no other reasons to be self-critical and suvorim to yourself in this situation. How to survive the life of a man or a girl? It’s normal to think: “Imovirno, on the first step, don’t wart my colossal one,” but from “What a fool I am!” - Ni.
One more extended pardon, as we allow - take care of your child, if it’s not so. More views, something in the romantic ones, the business ones, and the social sphere - on the right, “relish” that vipadku. To irritate yourself with jokes from the vlasnyh shortcomings at the try to understand why it "didn't work", not only is not necessary - it's not far from the worst visnovkivs.
Reinforce self-esteem
If you want to strike at self-esteem, it’s important to guess to yourself what you can propagate (zamіst to resurrect your shortfalls). The best way to increase self-esteem for an underprivileged person at a glance of psychology is to voice your own significant characteristics. Make a list of five of your important, significant qualities - those who rob you as a potential partner in your friends (for example, you are always ready to help and support emotionally), a good friend (for example, you are a great person that you can listen to) vrobitnik (for example , vydpovidalny or zvikli suvoro dotremuvatisya labor discipline). Let's choose one of them and write a paragraph or another (write, not just think about it) about those that are important for the sick and can be seen in any situation. Having given yourself this kind of pershu to help, you increase your self-esteem, ease your emotional shock and anxiety, so that the distance collapses.
We are aware of the social connection
Like social creatures, it is important for us to feel the need for those valuable members of various social groups, to which we belong. The indulgence of love of a different kind, the spirit of our need, but a part of it, and, as a result, we suffer from insignificance and the presence of social prestige. That is why you need to tell yourself what you value and love us. So you see the social connection again and the mіtsniy grunt under your feet. Like a colleague on the job without asking you for a dinner, go out and grow up as comrades from the softball team. If your child’s friend doesn’t want to talk to him, think about how you can know something else, moreover, it’s better. And if your fiancé does not show up on SMS after the first date, call your grandmother and daddy - then you will guess yourself, whoever is enough of your voice alone, to be happy.
It’s important to be well tolerated, but, knowing, like, all the same, having stuck with them, reduce the psychological error and restore self-esteem, you can better communicate and succumb to the distance, make you need it again virushiti on Chergov chi gromadsky zahіd.
Guy Winch, psychologistInjury thrown out– a regression of a grown-up person in a child, with experiences of selfishness, obscenity and fear of death through powerlessness.
Causes of blame are those naslіdki.
One of the main reasons is the ceminuly dosvіd stosunkіv with a maternal figure, in which the mother could not satisfy the needs of security, whimsicality and closeness. As a rule, it is formed in early childhood up to 6 years, if the child requires close contact with the mother.
The child wants the presence of the mother, order, praise, warmth, interest, respect, and acceptance. Accepting mothers, like a guarantor, one mind has grown up, taking away the right to express oneself, one’s emotions are felt by a grown-up life.
For the future “health”, contact with the mother will become the foundation for harmonious stances and social success of specialness. Since then, as in the life of a person there is no first, no other, there is a sense of correcting trauma through psychotherapy.
Why do mothers tell a child?
The reason for the withdrawal is the importance of the internal resource of the mother (strength, mood, learning, love for oneself) that the presence of the past, which closes the model of the resolution. It seems simpler, mother was tired, but she did not see what was done, and repair the child in the way that mother came with her.
If you dig deeper, you can keep your mother’s testimonies to yourself, through you, you won’t allow you to mark your obezhennya and for an hour you’ll stumble, for goodness sake. As a result, once you have worn the mother's robe, nothing else is left, just to make contact with the child, so that you can restore some of your strength.
Zvіdsi vysnovok: mothers z bazhanny buti ideally often see a child, lower one, as you see your own fodder. It is important to understand that it is not necessary to be ideal, but you can simply “pour out a good mother”, that you allow your own subsistence and accept your needs. Only that mother, as she learned to dbati about herself, can you adequately work for her child. Mothers with a fad of “ideal”, as a rule, metatimes from extremes to extremes, then she will be hyperopic, then cold and reckless.
Mechanism of inclusion of injuries of recurrence.
The injury of the crossover is triggered by a repeated scenario in an adult life, which is a predictable scenario of the crossover of a mother from childhood.
For example: the child expresses aggression on the matir, as if destroying the borders, you can’t get in contact with her and say it with the words: “there are no more sons / daughter” and go to another room.
In a grown-up life, as such a person shows aggression and rejects a partner, as if motherly, he psychologically regresses in a child and feels like a child. You know that you are small and hopeless, not needed by anyone and in life you have no sense. As a rule, before everything else, a little bit of guilt and rubbish is added.
Otherwise, if a person recognizes himself as a mother and endures it to the point of unbearable, she wears such votives, and then we give a spy and open a sock for him. As a rule, in different types of wounds, in case of injury, they are blocked, and in scenarios they are drawn.
Pochutya those thoughts under the hour of experiencing a vіdkidannya.
Fear of death- The most intense emotion in the traumatic experience. It feels like a waste to oneself that zanurennya at the thought about the bezporadnist and inevitability of death. A person fantasizes a scenario, at which mother throws yoga and wine, being a child, one cannot live in this world. In truth, we are most favored by innocence and insignificance. If you live the scenario to a logical end, the uncertainty changes clarity and fear arises. About those, like zrobity, let's talk a troch lower.
Aggression on matir- This is a natural emotion, like a viklikan through dissatisfaction with the actual needs of the child. It is important to accept your aggression and allow it to hang out. In therapy, you can work through the “technique of deception”: reveal a new mother and react with your feelings to her. This is an important moment, the shards are still not reacting to aggression, there is no possibility of understanding and accepting the behavior of the mother. These people, yakі zaboronyat their own turn of aggression in truth and є "evil" і tension. The “good” person reacted and zabul, and the one who ignores his feelings, from one side, ruins himself, and from the other side, be it like a mit, may be inadequately included in the carrying rubbish.
Remembrance of aggression from mothers on oneself ( retroflection), feel free to blame that rubbish.
If a person does not allow the aggression of other people to be expressed, then often it can be directed at herself. So I blame you, blatantly blame that rubbish.
Guilt- tse aggression, directed at my behavior (I did it badly), rubbish- Aggression, directed at its specialty (I'm a rotten person). Lyudina fantasizes about those who seem to be directly attacking a hoaxer, then she’ll throw it away, and if nothing happened, she’s spitting aggression on herself. The results of the fault are true falsehood, but they begin to sound like soromity to themselves.
Therapy is a blessing in the face of the injured person.
- Survive the worst scenario of the day.
For whom it is necessary to show yourself as a child and program the scenario of the release of the mother in the Duma. Let's say that your mother has deprived you of one, and why should you work? It’s possible, you sit and check, you sum, you cry and you are afraid. Good, but what will we do later, if it’s better? So, mother doesn’t, but father, grandma, uncle, titka, and you can turn to them for support and that turbo. If you can work it out, then live a new scenario in your head and take away the new knowledge, and then, in the end, the day will end with a turbo and a sigh from the side of another person, not obov'yazkovo mami. At this stage, there will be more anxiety and you will feel better.
- Resurrection of the age-old regression and return to reality.
The injury of the past cannot be blamed without a century-old regression, then, if you see yourself as a grown-up person, if you yourself can take care of yourself, protect and secure your life, if you become an exhausting resource, I will not become insecure. ability to do without the "mother's figure". In order for you to grow up, when I become guilty, turn around in a body, look at your borders, vaga, legs, toulub, arms and straighten your back, look at the dome, relax the m'yazi disguise and more dihati, you see i breath on 5 rachunkiv. Then guess who you are at once, how many fates you have, as you yourself will take care of yourself and so on. Contact from reality, break regression into a child and your camp will stabilize.
- Self-support therapy through the technique of psychodrama and experiment with empty chairs. ( For the slipped)
For this practice, you need three free styles .
1 stage
You sit on the table No. 1 like an underwhelmed child. Look at your own state and show a new one, in fact, your matir, or else be like another person (mother gave it to her), as if she saw you. Let's watch your emotions and express your figures on the column No. 2.
For example: - " Mom, I'm angry at you, you filthy, you left me and deprived me of one. I'm even scared, I see the hopelessness and the restlessness».
Let's take into account your needs, as if to stand behind these emotions.
For example:- “I want you to hug me, she cheated, said that I need you, and that you love me”.
Dali respectfully ask mom what she saw, and ask if she can satisfy your needs. This is an important moment, shards without understanding the motives of another person, we cannot understand, and, therefore, we cannot complete this situation in the Duma. But it’s important that it’s not logical, but it’s apparently, live in the camp of another people. For whom do you need to sit on the bed No. 2 and separate yourself from your mother.
Stage 2
Sit on another chair, flattening your eyes. Show yourself in the roles of mothers, see yourself in a woman's body, show, as if dressed, how many fates you have, where do you live. The more you guess the details and the more you get used to the role of a mother, the more effective the therapeutic work will be.
Dali, if you already thought of yourself as a woman, show your children in front of you, as if you had those phrases, as if they were greater. Listen to your feelings and thoughts from the quotation of these phrases and give feedback to the children, those that you want.
Here, we’re going to be honest, say what you want, and don’t bullshit yourself with a hot mother. Don't fool yourself anyway. Possibly, from the side of mami you will feel the words of kayattya ta priyyattya. Vaughn to explain, through what she saw you and now you want to remember your oversight. Then it is important to look at the side of the child in order to take off the turbo and the support.
However, there may be another scenario, if mothers continue to think and do not understand what you want. Then it is important to move on to the next stage of therapeutic work.
Stage 3
You turn into the role of a child and show yourself in the third style, but already grown up. Learn your feelings to the heart of the people. Our meta inspire new strength and bring new interest. If you want to go ahead, then ask your boss about those who asked for their matir.
As if blaming a little, shape up to a grown-up figure, respectfully hang on to the image and take it off as a grown-up zvorotny zv'azok, and then only talk about your needs.
Stage 4
Sit on the third column, guess who you are right, consider yourself a grown-up person, as if you can take care of yourself and take care of your needs.
Dare to marvel from the region of the heart at the child on the column No. 1 and speak your mind. Most importantly - tse vodchuti svchuttya and namir take yogo pіd svіy zakhist. As soon as you get away from it, the psychodrama will end when the child sits in order with you and you take on the responsibility of turboti about the new one. The child's radiation and therapy for injuries is over.
Visnovok
However, unfortunately, not everything is so simple - a child may have a rich image, and a grown-up one, for his age, does not steal anything for the very mine that you see. In any case, you need to turn to a specialist (for example, to me) for individual work, for which you may need more than one expert. Ale, I want to sing you, that everyone is virishuvan, for your bazhannya that namira.
I'm sorry, we'll make this material for you. If so, then share it with friends, maybe, you can help change your life to a better place.
Psychologist Vitaliy Bambur.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a kind of vіdkidannya, it’s not important to hang out in love stoksіv, your car, friends, watch your book for anything else - but not those who can spit on those, you’re happy. The one who was guided does not feel fine and sometimes feels like this, that she does not understand the situation, but this person is not guilty of allowing others to enjoy happiness in this life. Suffering, like trapleyayutsya, if people are forced, to walk like a transcendental thought over the “extra”, like a wine suffering, that’s a waste of ability, important hundred years, like another. The reality of life is such that it forms a part of it - there will be ups and downs, if your application for a job is a waste of time, or your ideas about change will be rehabilitated. We will be healthy to accept that the mother is a part of life, and to recognize that those who are meaningfully important - you should know the way to talk about it as shockingly and try it again.
How to transfer vіdkidannya, vіdmova
Know that, be it a person, you can be nehtuvan. In addition, it’s worth it to wait for you. In other words, you are not yourself. It is obvious that you wanted to, so that it did not happen, but it is still treading. Nezalezhno vіd moreover, hto є, vіdmovi vіdbuvayutsya time and again. Try to get away from them to get to the end of your life, and not to improve yoga.
Let me feel bad for myself at the cob stage. It’s okay, don’t try to catch your rozcharuvannya that turmoil. Prote, do not allow yourself to feel like such a rank too long ago - you risk zabarvit your future susilla with negative hostility, as if you start to be put up to the top, so that you can repeat it again, regardless of your actions. You still have the ability to take away for yourself the greed of this knowledge and see it in the future with the wise and the enlightened.
Understand that you feel grief, like you see it at once, - this is self-deception. For example, as if you were vidmova, as you have tried, you have tried it, that having inspired you at your bachelor’s, your trival of troubles is a reconciliation, that you need this person in life, so that you feel happy. It's not true. Be entrusted with a person, speak with people, kiss a girlfriend - all the more satisfied. The stench, zvichayno, can bring you happiness at the time, but the stench is inconsistent and does not signify your choice, so that you are happy. You will continue to think that you are satisfied with your right fortunes, you will continue to deceive yourself, respecting that you are guilty of being greedy for yourself, because you have no close person, otherwise you did not have a chance. This pursuit of satisfaction is based solely on the fact that it was not easy for you, and you can lead to stagnation, which in the long-term perspective will bring more grief.
Satisfy your time, stench come and go, and do not take a fasting place from your life. Understanding whom will help you to understand that you don’t have happiness. Be happy - tse internal process, those that come from the heart. Having taken a thought, what a mother is - not a waste of inner happiness, do not hesitate to suffer yourself.
Only two options, if your mood can suffer in others. Either way, you’ve made it, so that you’ll get out of the kimos, or you’ll work it out, and give your satisfaction to the end of a happy life; otherwise, as you see the reversal, it’s important not to change anything in the essential happiness in life - it’s normal for a short time, but your happiness is guilty of being deprived of fasting.
Life does not lie in the fact that sumuvat and marvel at the speech, as they can make you happy. The ability to be happy is to take the fate of satisfaction, as to give you an incentive to live happily.
Do not try to hide yourself in the trade and go in, that they are those for whom you are guilty of learning to live. If you succumb to the need to be brought into oman, called out by the "exalted forces", you succumb to the pain that is tied to the oman. Vidmova is the cause of pain. The reason for this is less of yourself.
Do not take the advice especially. This stіyky viraz superchet the one who, who was inspired, maybe feels hooked. On the right, I feel that you often change into a situation richly folded, you can move it lower. For you, it’s just a matter of saying “n” to your prohannya, proposition, hope and dream. Perhaps you will need days, months or months of planning, mrії that preparation for yourself before your death.
And yet there are two sides of the coin: first, people, as I saw you, often do not know about those, you spent a lot of time, resources that energy. And you know as much as you know about you, you, ymovirno, know even less about those that the person, as you guide you, is guilty of being honored with the praised decision of your vidhility. , yak і vy, і vіn is guilty of bv vikoristovuvaty the most widespread reasons for vіdmovi in more vipadkіv, schob buti in zmozі vporatis z nahodzhennyam dec.
Often, the wisdom is founded either on the inconsistency of the one who vypishiv vіdmovity, or the inconsistency of the situation for the one who can virishiti, how to instigate. And you know that you know what you were advised, that your skills do not match your standards, how they stink buti, it’s not about your sense of innocence, but about the need to continue reading, experimenting and growing like a f ahіvtsyu. Do not change the word for food, which you choose - it basically matters that you do not take the letter in a special way.
Be careful, as you think that everything will hurt you. Tsey style of thinking is important, so that people were led by a singing rank, “knowingly, I’m smart/talented/extraordinary”. Not seeming about those who effectively work enough chi, to bring those, kim vi, іnshi guilty bachiti you tse. Such thoughts give power - yours - to other people and deprive you of the camp, if you are guilty of relying on those who will accept you, so that you feel comfortable. The slimy path of such a style of thinking is risky to transform in the first place in your life, to the one you continue to condemn yourself to condemnation, and you are respected as ineffective and marnim.
Be aware that a lot of people will feel bad, if the stench can be breathtaking. Not a lot of people are inspired simply by what they have nothing to work on.
As if someone sees you, respect yoga chi її bajannya and help him in life of all good things. You do not need to uniquely identify these people (otherwise, organizations, business, and some of them won't). The people who see you are not life's needs, but it does not mean that you are guilty of hating them. Why? To the one that brings you more satisfaction, say good things to others, do not hate them. Try tse zrobiti. Hatred will hurt you for a while, and tell me about the witch to settle at your head.
As if you were seen as a person, don’t call out and hate її chi її, navіt like the stench of a nasty thing came with it. Since your blues have stumbled, there is no sense to slander about them, so that you don’t need it, so that you feel happy. You can be disappointed, that you are hopeful, that you relied on stosunki for this person, you didn’t tell the truth, but you understand that you don’t need a person, that everything is laid on you, and it will be easier to richly bless you and good luck in life. You will feel better richer (and grow wiser), so you will save your friends a little.
If your thought about a person does not change, then there is no need to use uniqueness її or її. If you are all the same, if you are pleased with him, then why not leave everything like that? Don’t mess with you, don’t speak to you, because you didn’t waste the chance to become happy in a right way.
Be responsive. What would not have been in the middle of you, you are guilty of being called great. Do not give you honor, if you see yourself, or you will take a laky rank, so that your lieutenant should rethink his mind to the situation. The courage and patience to allow people to indulge your kindness, that courage rushes forward.
Beware of eating into the pasta, as life prepared for you - do not be afraid that the one who saw you will change his thought. There is nothing nasty, spodіvayuchis, scho tse can be, but the evilness of the possibility of making you uplift your life pace and not develop on the power of the minds. Do not think that you need a person, so that you can change your thought, so that you can see it, - damn it, just torment yourself. As if a person has seen you through the day, I’ll pull up to you, so, better for everything, don’t change, try to think and change to bring more misfortune. As if you were advised by a landowner, if you didn’t know your wine, if you fit into the corporate culture in your work position, you can hardly change the price, because your resume is filled in right up to that vacant plant, for that stench іdshukuyut vіdpovіdny practitioner. It’s best to simply accept those that you didn’t get far enough to realize your ability, and continue to live, gaining quiet knowledge, as if to help you become more successful in the future.
Look over all possibilities. In some situations, you may be able to seriously reconsider factors, on the basis of which you were led. For example, it is possible that you failed to complete the questionnaire, or they took the wrong course in order to get a promotion. In such situations, call for constructive recommendations, so that you take them away when you decide, and beat them to increase your potential. There is absolutely no need to comprehend your future - start your speech, you can change it. This includes the improvement of the work or the promotion of the service, the distribution of your portfolio to everyone, the change in the position of the team and the formation of the blue. Until you can change those who bring people before you, you can perfectly improve your old appearance and manners, as if you can improve a little other people before you. You won’t be able to grow up like that, you’ll do everything to improve your good work and raise your spirits, not relying on people, so that you can be happy. It will help you to get more positive opportunities for your life.
Sometimes it is necessary to ask for what you took away, especially there, when there is no well-grounded reason for it. Don't be embarrassed. If it’s for commercial purposes, then in any case, when you get to a business school before placing your ideas on a crafts show, there will always be people, with whom you can talk especially or by e-mail. They can give you advice or recommendations about those that you need to work to get your chances for the next time. Nasampered, do not be afraid to ask them, as if they were ready to train and instruct you, accept, take a look at your application / robot / zusilla then. before prohannyam coming time. Most of the people are widely hostile to the people, as if they read it thoroughly. (Just don't forget to be smart about how often you ask others for help - even though everyone has their own job.)
Try again. It’s best to do it like this. Mabut, in the head of the blame for іz tsomusiti Kohati - just ask them to ask the people once to be a little, Yakshcho vnuvenini, the Obudvva reached the Belsho Rosuminnya, I Vi Gotinoye Podkhanystya Znov, Znovyati Snight Vidmov. In times of work, selling, claiming a job for a thin, black sample, as a rule, is the only way to push forward.
At some clubs, de є robochi mіstsya, you are hospitalized, chi filed your application earlier. Do not bet on such food - it’s better to put it in quiet moods, if you realize that “early applications were not satisfied” and that the stench will not give you another chance. You can learn from whomever you want in such a way that you can learn someone in the future and find out why you need to change it and you can use it. Indulgence is the number one motive for podalanni vіdtorghennya.
Know that the spirits are different victorious like a filter, so that people will be taken care of, like not to be enthusiastic and rishuchost. In some vipadkah, the fact that you are twisting like a dziґa and vidpovidatimete “nі”, plays on your self-interest!
Keep in mind that you don't need anything out of the ordinary to make you feel happy. Everything can bring you less timely happiness. The only happiness is near the rozumіnі tsgogo and the diva from the known, you are alive.
For some reason, they tried to tell you something and tried it again, you know that you can still take it out again. Life is unfair, but if you don’t set those lives up, they can bring you right happiness.
Cry, to that scho tears - whole faces in the face of any pain. If you cry, you will become better.
Just because someone said not to love you, does not mean that you are guilty of feeling bad for yourself. Tse simply means that this person does not look up to you. You cannot change it.
Know that you have taken away your wife in kohanna and stosunka, you still have a chance to know your one and only.
The majority of vipadkivs have access to that recognition - the legacy of an important and inveterate work. Sometimes we are not prepared to know ourselves, what else can a robot do, if it is necessary to work earlier, before we become bedless, like we are guilty of. Be enthusiastic about your chances, and let those who know you need to be informed. Feel free to take care of yourself, and not get embarrassed by the drive of the mind.
If it didn’t work out, or you took the mother again, then so can you. Tse means - what is planned, that will become, and that will always be the best option!
Do not judge yourself through those that others think of you. We are not all alike, and we may be absolutely unique, which we can propagate.
Find a way to relax after a moment. Deyakі people go wild until they believe, they take a hot bath and meditate. Find out a way to clear your mind, get rid of the filthy feelings and make you jealous.
Vidmova - it’s just an opportunity for you to recognize that a particular person whose organization has not been instilled in you, to make love, robots of other speeches, which you will practice in life. Tse is not said for the decision of the world, so do not think that everything else will work, like you.
Turn around for professional help, as if you were aware of the depression after the thought. Alcohol and drugs will not help.
Guard
If you continue to take care even close to your heart, consider talking to a counselor or a therapist. If you suffer from depression, anxiety, or other mental health problems, you don’t have the necessary stamina to deal with current life problems, and you need additional support. There is nothing to be afraid of or to be afraid of - the skin of a person will require sensitive curiosity in life.
People don't always react to you if you ask for advice about the reasons for the change. The cost of life - sometimes they are busy, at this hour they don’t have words, as if to explain in such a rank, so that it didn’t sound too critical. And sometimes they are right all the same. Well, I know, don’t take it personally - you can see someone, whom you trust and who is your time, to talk about those who were following you, to think about how you can reach the future.
At times, try to get home about the care, as a person, as if she saw you, start giving you signs of respect after the fact that you were kicked out, but if you don’t want to fight with you, if you are partners, otherwise you take an active the fate of yoga activity, you are guilty of asking yourself, you should just flirt. A lot of people do not have the desired satisfaction in any way, to those who stink to know that the price will not lead to anything. If you have shown that you are one of these people, then hang your innocence to the people. How do you manage to see z-pіd control, and wine or else she’s trying to get close to you, but you continue to flirt, and you still don’t know that you are satisfied with flirting, you can blame slander with a person who doesn’t suit you be with her for her. Tse does not mean that you want such evil people; It’s worth it for a self-defender to save that healthy thought about those who are fighting.
As if a child is moving in the batkivskoy spadshchina,
then this "territory of I" appears to be alienated,
and not assimilated into the image of yoga I
With this kind of symptom, I have seen more than once in my practice. There were a lot of similar stories. Tim is no less, in order to understand the essence of the symptom, it is necessary to have an individual "investigation". Tim himself confirmed the advancing principle: in one and the same symptom, there can be different causes, and in order to understand the essence of the message of specialness, it is necessary to relativize the context in which the fault is blamed, tobto. Reporting knowledge of life history and specialty.
In this article, I will give an example of a psychological analysis of the "history of one symptom" through the prism of the concept of anger that I am developing. In the previous articles Symptom as a systemic phenomenon and Symptom as a systemic phenomenon: equal systems can look over the report information.
Client Svitlana, woman, 50 years old, friendly, mother of two children, economist. She turned away from the wake of appearing on the faces of the red flames of unreasonable nature. Doctors do not know what it is. The whips appeared close to that fate. Nothing like this is small.
I catch myself on cicadas, in front of the cicada of investigation! Plyami impeccably protrude, like a symptom of Yaskra. But a symptom of what? What is behind him? About what wine? Are you carrying a messenger? What do you want to say to the client? What is the equal systemic symptom: individual, familial, generic?
I am trying to find out about the phenomenology of the symptom, using the technique "Identification from the symptom". The prote test to "talk" the symptom did not give a result. Clients are easily given visualization - the figurative idea is not a strong side. It is a symptom to speak non-verbally in a non-verbal way, to speak rudely in a non-verbal one. Razumіyu, scho direct access to zmіstu symptom of difficulties, happen to go by manіvtsy.
So often buvay in robots with a symptom. The symptom overnight marks the problem that is behind it. The first request of the client with an assessment of the most obvious relief of the symptom is gradually transferred to the systemic follow-up and specialty of life. In order to comprehend "Navіscho vіn nebіben tsіy sisі?", it is necessary to follow the history of the symptom of that systemic connection - those contexts of the life of their subdivisions, mutually that experience, in which there is a symptom.
It is necessary to start the investigation of systemic links to the symptom from the closest level - the level of specificity. I go and I'm on the way and for the cob I try to look at the hypothesis of the appearance of a symptom on an individual level as an element of the system of specialty. And for whom it is necessary to establish the context, for whom there is a symptom, the history of it appeared in the context of the client's life path.
I'll ask Svetlana about those possibilities that they trapiled at that hour, when they appeared as wicks on її guise: What happened in її life at once, or for a pіvroku to tsgogo? You are trying to guess, but nothing special, for which you could have gone, what could be the cause of the symptom or the trigger mechanism. The only thing that falls on my mind is menopause. For її Іntonation, tension in the voice, emotional support, it is evident that the theme of the client is emotionally charged.
Insanely, this topic does not overwhelm you with a baiduzh, be it a woman. This is a critical moment in the life of a skin woman. Beauty, which is in'yane, bodily changes, attached to reproductive functions, actualizes in the life of a woman, as it has stuck with these facts of life, anxieties and fears, and induce deep mental work of changing one's own ness, the image of one's self, before the image of a woman. Such moments in life are called crisis. To the first decision in every way, it is necessary to take inventory and further transformation of the person's own actual identity.
I am trying to finish the topic, understanding its importance. What does menopause mean for the client? What do you think about it? What thoughts-feeling-experiences blame the connection from this topic?
The first thing that falls into the mind of the client is that there is a link between menopause and reproduction. Menopause for Svitlana is a signal that she is no longer able to mother children. After a small discussion from which angle, I respect that this topic is not emotionally charged for her. The client will wait, what is true. She already has grown-up children, she knows that she has already worn her mother’s shoes, and I don’t want a mother of children anymore. I leave this hypothesis, proteo razumiya, that it is necessary to continue the following significance of menopause (menopause) for my client.
I’m trying to finish the topic of productivity in a flash - there’s no need to get excited here. Svіtlana has been well realized, there are a lot of projects in life. And with the cob of menopause for her, her creative life will not end before the mother. I will understand what it is necessary to expand other versions. However, the idea of menopause, as importantly, remains relevant.
I try to respectfully marvel at the image of the client. And here I turn my respect to the її old look. I note that she’s nachebto ignoring the fact of her old-fashioned prudence. About tse to speak vіdsutnіst zachіski, make-up, simple sports shirt. I tell the client about my caution with such a strain (even if the client is a woman!), at the same time clarifying the її century. Vіk Svіtlani marvelous, їy 47 years, wanting to look like an elder. My tension shows a marna: the client calmly responds to my call about the old look and to the food about the її century, declaring that for her, the attractiveness is not important for her. Navit more - she declares that such a privilege is absolutely marna for her.
– Do you want to spend an hour of your life on the uncommon that busy day? Much more important is the mind, knowledge.
I’m destroying this topic more, I’m aware that it’s important. Svіtlana is not widely aware of the value of zvnіshny privablivosti. Mine try to think about beauty, femininity does not know her cues.
- Want me? Now I have beauty and privacy, is there more in my country? What time? I am a mother, a virna retinue, a specialty, what did I do in motherhood, and in my profession, what can give me such beauty? Only zayvі problems.
I will leave the phrase naked on myself. I think it's more important. That uve її text about zhіnochu privablivіst sound like condemnation. I understand that I am following the right path.
I note that if you won't talk about beauty, privablіvіst - її words sound reprehensible and nibi straightened out to anyone... Blame the idea of introject (idea from someone else's knowledge, accepted uncritically and unguardedly). For my client, such changes are: for a person, the rose is important, the beauty is lower. Knowing about those that the skin introject is the author of, I develop this idea in the hope of knowing this dzherelo - those people, who means that authoritative in the life of the client, who could have had a change on the back. Vіd whom won chula tsі words? Whose rank are they associated with? Chi can you guess, the stars in it are so perekonannya? When will you show up? The client cannot guess anything like that - who, if for some circumstances talking about you?
Knowing nothing that would confirm my hypothesis, I try to sort out significant people on my own. I’m starting, naturally, from mothers - people, like a child, they need the most. I renew povz - nі, do not look. Moreover, the mother was not for Svitlana in any authority and definitely could not "carry such a truth for her." The whole fact is given to me as meaningful. I realize that here it could be more important for understanding this problem. I ask Svіtlana to tell you a report about її matіr.
Mother, in the words of a client, is a chimera, inconsequential, hysterical, infantile woman. As long as the її man (father of Svіtlana) was alive, the mother behaved without turbos, especially without tightening her everyday turbos. The stinks often ruled with the father of the family scenes with screams, z'yasuvannya stosunkiv, yakі ended with sexual vtіkha in the bedroom. The client saved her unacceptable feelings about the whole period of her childhood.
After the death of the father (the client was 15), the mother did not change, and Svitlana happened to become a father figure for her - talk about her. The mother was 50 years old, but, following the words of the client, without savage respect for the future, she continued to live, like before, thinking only about her zvnishnistnost, privablivіst and mriyuchi to know one's own person. The image of the mother and її behavior called out and called out to Svіtlanya's hostility, expecting that litigation. Vaughn definitely didn’t want to be like her matir!
I understand that this statement is more important! This is an emotionally charged installation that gives a strong injection into the molding of identity and a distant injection into all life. Here we can rightly see an anti-scenario - a typical mechanism of the Batkiv programming of life, characteristic of children from the phenomenon of parentification.
Parentification- A family situation, due to the reversal of the roles of fathers and children, when a child is due to unfriendly family conditions that have formed, we will grow up early and take custody of our fathers. This phenomenon is mostly blamed on dysfunctional families with infantile fathers, for example, in families of alcoholic fathers. It's crazy that children who grew up early often go into anti-scenarios. So, the children of alcoholics hate alcohol and alcoholics, and, as a rule, with their fallow fathers, become opposite.
Our client, although she did not grow up in this alcoholic, but she had a chance to win over her father's function by raising her to her infantile mother.
And here we seem to be the offensive peer of the system - family. Symptom of the client of interlacing in the system її expanded ї sіm'ї. Obviously what Svіtlanі didn't get far psychologically criminated by her mothers, and won't be able to stay with her. At the same time, the names of such women can look, navpaki, sideways, distant.
In psychology, such a variant of emotional staleness is called anti-or counter-staleness. It is impossible for this type of child to integrate into the image of I the image of the father, which is not accepted, through the strong negative emotional charge of the rest. A child, hanging metaphorically, in such a situation, is driven into the batkivska recession and tsya її "territory of I" appears alienated, unintegrated and not assimilated into the image of I am a child.
Tim is not less, I am unacceptable and see the territory I flatly "foresee my inclusion that representation" in the image of I. Without taking it away, I begin to "take revenge" on myself, regularly guessing about myself for the help of various signs-symptoms.
The essence of my concept of psychosomatics - the concept of anger - is a symptom of the whole I, unacceptable, rejected, unintegrated in the I-image of myself.
Let's turn to our history. Forget about the lost words of the client:
- What beauty and privatility do I need, is there more time for this hour? I am a mother, a virna retinue, a specialty, what did I do in motherhood and in my profession, what can give me that beauty? Only zayvі problems.
Behind these words are the rejection of femininity and sexuality: "If you're going to be sociable and sexy, then you can winknuti calm". "The respect of other people is on you. And there it's not far from the body: you can get drunk, squirm, protect a person ..."
Let's try to understand the light of the visual theory that is the essence of the client's symptom.
Also, the client could not pass the separation as her mother through the sign. The most beautiful motherhood is femininity and sexuality. The result of the client's rejection of the mother is those who will not be the image of her Self, for which the unacceptable is manifesting femininity and sexuality, as if she were in her mother.
Symbolically, the symptom of the client - red patches on the face, can be interpreted as follows: red cheeks symbolize beauty, the beauty of women. From a long time ago, the women puffed their cheeks, the roblyachs brightened them with a method of prudence. Sіlskі dіvchata, at the situation in the presence of cosmetics vikoristovuvali beetroot, rubbing her cheeks. Unacceptable femininity in such a rank is trying to turn to itself the respect of the client's specialty, manifesting symptomatically as a black cheek.
More food is left to drink: Why is the symptom of vinick in this period of life? My thought is the following. Symptom vinick in the period of crisis in the life of the client - menopause. Tsya podiya actualizes in a woman's experience, connected with a woman's identity: What am I a woman? For my client, it’s not just food, but it’s easy to eat well. However, womanhood is not accepted "do not reconcile with the share prepared by her" and try to break through the client's counsel for help of this kind of symptom, sternly signaling "Respect me, I'm a woman!"
In the article, I have described the results of the first session of the client, which I used to understand the psychological essence of the message sent to the symptom.
And in front of the check was not an easy robot to accept the client's part, which you see, and integration and identity ...
Vіdnosini z matіr'yu - tse same “reef”, about how the chauvin of our life and special success is broken, like a beautiful windshield do not dress her.
The one who remembers his past, sayings those scho, to survive yoga again (J. Santayana).
Mother is the greatest and most important Teacher in the life of a skin man and woman, the first after God. Until then, we can’t accept our mother and those lessons in a right way, as if she brought into our lives - it’s impossible to be a right person - a mature, full-fledged, happy individuality. It’s not for the mother’s own time to show the most important and most important of our “opration” - to the fact that they carry a great resource in their own hands, helping to expand your program, as a specialty in your life can be useful.
Injecting a mother into the lot of a person
Until quiet feast, until all the stages of marriage with the mother are passed and lived in a right way - we are told to walk in our life with stakes, again and again sticking with the same problems, sick situations and realizations - x oh i come and stink already on behalf of other parties.
Our life begins with a total anger with the mother. As a matter of fact, this is the reason for the anger and guarantee of our ability to survive and the satisfaction of basic needs - both physical and emotional.
For the sake of understanding the natural growth and development of the child’s special features, it overgrows into the stage of stature and inevitably comes the stage of differentiation - the task of somehow knowing the mother’s appearance, and then we will recognize ourselves in a right way.
If I am not my mother, then who am I? What is it? What do I want? How do I live now?
Often, the take of viddіlennya is insisted through counter-inflammation, if the people, as well as to the child, “I-Sam”, to smell the same Materi, and the very knowledgeable is to make it more painfully, I wounded the wounded, Rosuminnya, that is Pidrimki.
So we ourselves can go through such a stage in hundreds of years with a mother, if we help ourselves with our strengths to know її, її choose in life and її life dosvіd - we ourselves help ourselves to allow ourselves to live in power.
Zreshtoy, real independence and resurrection as a mother is now, if we are more likely to see that there is a specialty with your life path, your own, not even without boundless opportunities, dosvid, pardons that life victories.
And mi - okremo. We take it from mother’s permission for ourselves, but we simply “classify” as we don’t need it and we don’t choose it for ourselves, volitionally creating something else. Nosy - not to bring it, the “wrong”, “no -alive”, “vsuep” - pusham on counter -inflammation, and the coatings of the real productive is a miraculous prazuchi for us alternatives, to fall asleep for our specialized requirements, izondyl specialties of the specialty.
It’s not always possible to go through your mother’s own self – and then, unseen, you whisper at your honed mother’s intercessor position, so as to allow us to continue living the unpassed stage and take the necessary proof for shaping us as special.
At some stage, we can inadvertently “stuck” on old fates, again and again at once, I need to live for the residual growth, and at once, rushing in the flow, so that the pain that accompanies my growth, and especially ї vіdpovіdalnosti for your happiness.
It’s easier to call all the fathers, mother’s zokrema - didn’t finish it, didn’t grow up, didn’t listen, didn’t accept it, didn’t be the same as I wanted / wanted to її bachiti. Another option is to pretend that everything is fine and try to commemorate the past, and then, that these children, like crying, were not respected by anyone and were recognized at their needs by the dearest people in the world - no more.
VIDTVERJENA MATI…
Folding - Alle, inexplicably bilan - Rosit gathering in his child’s claims to the mother, the pain of the image, the rods of the PID Tsim of Consum, is the same, to look at the same road vitzi, to give a nad voluntary to the deductivity of the Consum. Independently, but for the help of other people - but already not hanging claims, but having secured their voluntary benefit, living together until the end.
This is how it is possible to become a “mother” to us in front of ourselves and to love, to add to, to fill with caress and tenderness all those beautiful things that are in the middle of us and are pledged by the subspecies of our Inner Child.
Vidkidayuchi matіr ti vіdkidaєsh і yourself. If bіzhish vіd mother - bіzhish vіd yourself and your right life. Pragnati with everything your mother is fit, be like that / like that, you want to be like you and become like her.
The only way to get out of this stake of life, zumovlenny zvnіshnіmi conditions of life - in a right way to go through all the steps in the vіdnosin z matіr'yu, accept її, work through the child, form and let go. I’ll give my mother a chance to be special, and I’ll be okay with myself. Become an ideal mother for us in front of your own - and then, if you are so ready, expand your knowledge on the lonely.
Don’t twist it - don’t forget your mother. Pobudova stosunkіv with mom - we are in front of her - and є way to the zapotoї harbor Maturity, Love and Happiness.